Feeling Disconnected in Withdrawal?

If you're going through the healing process of psychiatric drug withdrawal, either tapering or having just gotten off your medications, you might be feeling very disconnected relationally. That is so normal. I want to share some encouragement and hope through that process.

I was medicated for ten years, on multiple medications, and went through a hard withdrawal process for several years. I've healed and learned so much, and I'm just thankful to be able to share my story with you.

What Relational Disconnect Actually Is

Relational disconnect is something I experienced so much in my withdrawal, and that so many people experience. I hear about it a lot.

What it is, basically, is this: when we're going through withdrawal, we can be disconnected and alienated from our own selves because of the symptoms. There are just so many different symptoms that can make us feel very much in pain and disconnected, from the moment, from our normal selves, from our perspective, our sense of humor, our personality, the things we enjoy.

So there's just this sense of alienation that can come with being in a wave or experiencing a lot of symptoms.

DPDR, Anhedonia, and the Symptoms Behind the Feeling

You can feel that disconnect from yourself and from your surroundings through DPDR, which is depersonalization and derealization, through anhedonia, just feeling completely unmotivated, like you're not connected to any real sense of purpose. Anhedonia is almost like you can't really experience anything as real, or like you're not connected to it.

And then there's just a general sense of a lack of joy or connection, a lack of emotional connection even to your own self. Those symptoms, just like you can feel them toward yourself, you can feel them toward others, and even spiritually, toward God, and in your relationships.

It can even make your relationships seem empty or meaningless, or like you're just outside of them, like you don't belong, or you just can't connect, or nobody gets you because of the symptoms and what you're experiencing. There can be a real sense of alienation when you're going through waves in withdrawal.

This Is Not You, and It Is Not Here to Stay

I just want to encourage you. That experience is part of withdrawal. It is not you, and it is not here to stay. It's part of the healing process, and it does not represent something about the core of who you are, or your trajectory, or your future, or even necessarily about your relationships.

I remember thinking certain things about relationships that weren't true, or just not being able to connect with people in the same way because I was so symptomatic. Whereas on the other side, I feel that sense of connection. I feel that sense of belonging, a sense of appreciation. It's like re-emerging out the other side of a very dark time.

So my encouragement to you is that this is a symptom. It is not representative of anything catastrophic or negative. It doesn't mean you don't care. It just means you're going through withdrawal, and that can bring a lot of those experiences of disconnect and alienation.

How to Handle It With the People Around You

There are ways you can handle this with your loved ones and the people around you. Sometimes it does mean we just can't do as much through this process, and we have to explain that to others. "I'm sorry, I can't show up for this community group or this activity I used to volunteer for. I'm just not able to right now."

It can mean putting a pause button on some of those social activities and times of connecting with others, just because it's hard to sustain that with the amount of symptoms you're experiencing. But it doesn't mean you've lost that forever.

I found that when I explained I was going through a hard healing process, people were generally understanding, and later on I was able to connect with them more as I reemerged. I would just say something like, "Hey, I'm dealing with a chronic health issue right now, but it is resolving. I just can't do as much right now."

For others, we just have to do our best to explain, and some people are going to be understanding and some won't. But being able to tell people, even in general terms, where I was at and what I was going through did help.

The Inner Circle That Can Carry You Through

For the people who were my support people, of course they knew in more detail. And I think that inner circle of support can really sustain you through a lot of that disconnect. That might be a healing buddy you can talk honestly with about these symptoms, because then it can really help you have a sense of, "Okay, I am not the only one experiencing this. I am experiencing a suffering. This isn't me."

That can bring a lot of comfort through the healing process. It might be a healing buddy, somebody who's been through it that you connect with, a coach, or joining a support group where there are other people going through that healing process. You can have that encouragement that you aren't the only one, that others are experiencing this too and coming through it.

And it could also just be someone in your life, like a spouse or a friend, who is supportive even though they haven't been through it. I just encourage you to be honest about your symptoms with your support people, even if it's just a few people, because that will help you stay as connected as you can through this process.

Giving Yourself Grace When Your Social Life Shrinks

There is a thinning out of your social life to something much smaller while you go through this process. Give yourself grace in that. You might feel bad, like, "I can't show up for as many things," or, "I feel like I'm failing."

It doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're coming through something really hard. And really, that is your gift to others: to survive this and come out the other side. To heal is a gift. It is a gift to you and to others.

Like, you might even feel like you don't want anyone talking to you at the grocery store. I couldn't even go to the grocery store for a while. But that is going to change. Oh my gosh, that is going to change.

What Comes Back on the Other Side

When you heal, it is amazing how you can come out from that and reemerge, knowing your place and being able to connect with people on all kinds of levels, whether it's chatting with a stranger at the grocery store, connecting with coworkers, going to a party, going to church, volunteering, being part of a music band. Whatever your interests are, they are going to reemerge. Your passions, your loves, your gifts, the ways you like to connect with others, those are going to come back. You're going to get little inklings of it as you heal. You'll find yourself thinking, "Hmm, I would actually like to go to a show."

You are not lost. Your ability to connect with others is not lost. Your place in the world is not lost. There is so much waiting for you on the other side of this.

That disconnect, that feeling of alienation, is not a sentence. It is not going to remain. You are moving forward in your healing, and as you progress through the stages of healing, you are going to reemerge and reengage with people and even stop thinking about withdrawal. That's something so cool about being on the other side: I hardly think about this anymore.

I'm cooking dinners and working out and doing activities with my kids. I even started painting again. I hadn't painted in four years, and now I'm working on a painting and I am just so excited about it. Seeing things like that emerge on the other side, those joys and interests, re-engaging with life in just a normal, ordinary way. Normal and ordinary is such a gift now.

That's all coming for you. When you feel that alienation, when you feel very separated, just know that is not all there is. This is the crux, the eye of the storm in your healing process. You are going to come out of it and re-emerge and reconnect and re-engage with life, with joy and purpose and meaning and all of those good things. Take heart through the process.

❤️‍🩹 Joanna