How to Cope Through a Bad Wave

I wanted to talk with you today about coping through a bad wave. I know that if you are going through psychiatric drug withdrawal and having any kind of withdrawal symptoms, this can come with some pretty terrible waves and some horrible thoughts and feelings. So I made this video for you to go to with just a whole bunch of ideas for different ways to cope through a wave, and some encouragements.

If that's you today, and you could use some encouragement or some ideas for how to cope through a wave, please stay tuned. I'll share with you what I've got.

Now, waves, you might feel like you're not even sure if you're in a wave, because you might think to yourself, "Maybe this is the new me," or, "Maybe I am just this bad," or, "I've always been this bad," or, "I will always be this bad." And you just keep thinking terrible negative thoughts, fearful thoughts, catastrophizing, or just feeling so terrified of everything, or maybe you just have had all of your symptoms really ramp up and you can't do anything, you feel like.

If that is you, any of those things about your thoughts, it could be physical symptoms, it could be mental symptoms like depressive thoughts or intrusive thoughts, fearful thoughts. Any of those things are related to a wave, and they are not you. They are related to healing from being on a psychiatric medication and getting off of it, and that does not mean that you are like this forever, because you are not.

Just like when someone gets a wound, gets an injury on their leg, let's say they break their leg and they need crutches. You wouldn't tell that person, "Well, you're gonna need crutches for life," or, "Your leg is gonna be messed up like that for life." Would you say that to somebody? No, you wouldn't. You'd be like, "Oh, you need crutches right now. I'm so sorry. That's tough."

So that's what this is like. You need crutches right now, because this is really tough. But this is not you forever. This is a temporary healing process, and there is gonna be a day again where you're not gonna need all the support and all the strategies and all of the encouragement or reassurance or breaks that you may need right now.

It is gonna change as you heal, and it's not gonna look like the way it does right now. So I just want to encourage you of that, that even though you may be in a wave and it may seem like this is all there is on your horizon, that is the injury talking.

That's the injury telling you that. That's actually a symptom, the injury will tell you that, "Remember? You've been like this before. This must be you forever." Or, "This is your new normal now that you're not on meds." Your injury will tell you that, and that is a symptom. Just like with the person who breaks their leg, the symptom would be it may really hurt and it may really ache.

Why Thoughts Go Haywire

Weirdly enough, getting off of meds and going through a psychiatric drug withdrawal process can mean that our thoughts are just haywire and negative, and that's because our brains were regulated using that medication.

Our brain is looking for that chemical in order to balance and be thinking clearly, and it's not having as much as it did before. So your brain is trying to figure out what's wrong and what's missing. And so your brain may come up with all kinds of ideas, very creative ideas, of what's wrong and what's missing.

And the true story is that you've reduced your medication or you've come all the way off your medication, and so your body is feeling that need and you're on a shortage of maybe dopamine or serotonin, and your nervous system's healing and your body is healing. In that healing process, your brain is having reduced happy chemicals and so it's having negativity.

And that's just a symptom, and it is not there to stay, but it is very unpleasant as you go through it.

Coping Mindset Shift

That said, I'm gonna tell you a bunch of different ideas if you're in a wave of things you can try. So it's not so much about making the wave disappear. Sometimes we just need to accept that it's happening, and maybe that's even really hard to do.

But these ideas are more to help support you through it, because the wave is actually part of how your body is healing. I know that sounds really weird, but for whatever reason, our brains go through this window and wave process when they heal.

So think of it more, more than trying to conquer the wave, like "I will not feel negative." Think of it more as coping through it. And it is not your fault if you feel negative. It is not your fault if you have negative thoughts, scary thoughts, intrusive thoughts, really negative feelings, really dark feelings, really confusing feelings. All of that is not your fault. Those are all just symptoms.

So when they happen, I just encourage you to be like, "Okay, there is another symptom." Not, "What did I do wrong," or "Why am I thinking this?" Or even the analyzing like, "Oh, how does this relate to my childhood?" Or, "What did I do wrong to get here?" This is not any of that.

There's no analyzing, there's no blame, there's no figuring it out through deep interpersonal work. This is just a whole bunch of storm around the healing process of your brain chemistry. So your brain might pick up on the weirdest things to obsess over that really are okay.

But right now it feels so not okay. It may feel like the end of the world because of that thing. But it really isn't the end of the world. And whatever you feel a great amount of fear or terror about, when you come through this, you're gonna have a whole new perspective on it.

So let's see. For the coping strategies, let me give you some ideas. Now, one thing I want to say about these ideas is that some things work for some people some of the time. So this is just a bunch of ideas, and it's more like having an experimental attitude of, "What is gonna help me through the next five, 10 minutes?" "What's gonna help me through the next day cope with this wave?"

This isn't a checklist of things that's then suddenly gonna heal you. I'm just giving you some ideas to see what kinds of things could help reduce the intensity and help ground you a little bit, and help you come through it a little longer, because it's gonna change and it's not gonna stay there.

It's gonna shift, it's gonna change, it's gonna reduce, and eventually it's gonna be over. So this is kind of just to support you through it and to help you cope through the process. All right. So some of these things helped for me at different times, and some of them didn't, so this is just some of the things I know.

Meditation and Grounding

So listening to a meditation, a guided meditation, that's one idea. You could also do this laying down. Sometimes laying down during a very, very intense wave can help your head pressure. One of my friends would actually squeeze her head between two pillows to try to bring something physical, some attention to something physical, during that agonizing experience.

Walking can sometimes help. Some of you are like, "I'm walking all the time anyway," because you've got akathisia. And that's not gonna harm you. If you need to walk, walk. That's just you working through that symptom, and then it's just gonna run its course and be over. But walking also, even if you don't feel the need to, can be a way of getting your blood moving, helping you notice your coordination, and focus on your feet, and you could even do it mindfully.

So mindful walking can sometimes help. Your brain may be churning so fast about something really, really negative. But if you just notice your feet, and putting one foot in front of the other. One of my friends even said she would do barefoot walking outside, grounding walking, noticing the ground, noticing the grass, feeling a tree. And that would help bring her a little bit less into that intense spiraling wave, and more into her physical surroundings, which would help ground her, make her a little bit more in the moment, slightly calmer.

So you could try the walking, the barefoot walking or the grounding walking, but then also just mindful things.

Mindful Movement and Chores

Like one thing I remember doing was I might be having really horrible thoughts and a really, really bad wave, but I would do dishes while thinking about the water running on my hands. And I was like really slow. Everything seemed like slow-mo, you know? Like, "Oh my gosh, I'm picking up the plate."

And then I would think about the water and think about how warm it felt, and I learned that from Angie. And think about the soap, and think about the soap bubbles. But I would be thinking that while I was also having these horrible thoughts. It's a way of getting yourself to notice, "Okay, I am a physical person in a physical space. It's not only all these horrible thoughts."

And it might be a little bit like you're in a dual reality, because your thoughts are just so intense and your wave is so intense, but then you're still gently calling yourself back to the present by doing something mindful. "I'm just folding laundry, just one piece of laundry at a time. Just feel the texture of the towel. Just feel the texture."

So that kind of mindfulness, that awareness to what's around you, is trying to just gently bring you back. Like, you're actually safe. You're right here. You're going to be okay. You're just folding clothes, or you're just washing a dish.

So you could try that and see if that is a tool that can help you.

Notes and Reminders

Also, notes and reminders. Elissa, who I coach with, she does this a lot, and she used this as a tool during her healing a lot, and that was to write herself notes and reminders to encourage her, just around her house, sticky notes or on her bathroom mirror.

So notes and reminders can be a way of helping to reassure you, to remind you of truth that your withdrawal brain may completely forget. Maybe there's something encouraging that really helped when you heard it. You were like, "Oh," for a second, but then you forget it because you just get slammed with the next negative thought.

But writing that helpful thing down, and then putting it somewhere where you can read it again, can help bring more of that truth and gentleness and love to you that you need during this time.

Co-Regulating With Others

Another thing that can help is co-regulating, and there's different ways to do this.

Sometimes just being in a public place and doing something like going out, going to the library or going to the coffee shop. Some of you may be like, "That's beyond me right now." I get it. This is like you pace to yourself what works for you right now. If you can't do that right now, that is okay. You're gonna be able to do that someday. But if you can, sometimes doing those things can help cue you into the rest of the world.

And even if you're having symptoms while you're doing that, that sort of dual reality of, "I'm having these horrible symptoms, but I'm really just here in line like a normal person about to order a drink," that can help cue your body and your nervous system into sensing safety from others, because others are acting normal. Others aren't acting like a bomb just went off, and so that can actually cue safety for you.

So you can try it. You might be like, "That's beyond me." And for a while, when I was in acute withdrawal, that was beyond me. Everything was danger and disaster and horror, and there was a time I was housebound. But then eventually, I was able to do those types of things, certain things.

So that can be a form of co-regulating. But a really helpful form of co-regulating is your safe people. That would be like if you have a loved one who is just supportive to you through this, and that might be someone you call on the phone. It might be a relative, like an aunt or a mom or a dad, or a sibling. But someone who is just gentle and encouraging and loves you and is supporting you through this, talking with them can actually be co-regulating for you and soothing to your nervous system. Hearing their thoughts and their perspective can just help you come from that intensity to calm just a little bit more down.

But then also kids and your family members that you may live with. You might live with people, you might not, but if you have grandkids that come by, or if you live with kids, or maybe you live with your spouse, sometimes being by that person can help in your co-regulating, and your nervous system can pick up cues from them about safety. If they have a healthy nervous system and they're going about their normal day, that can also just help cue your body into safety.

For instance, one of my clients, I thought this was so creative what he did, but he ended up asking friends of his if he could come help them out at work, or not even help them out, but hang out with them while they were working. One of his buddies is a mechanic, and so he would just go hang out in his mechanic shop and just hand him tools. They're having a good time. He would just be handing him his tools and hanging out while he's having inner akathisia. But that friend was just a supportive person who cared about him, so it was regulating for him just to be around his friend. And then he'd also ride with his other friend doing deliveries.

So I just thought that was a really creative way of finding ways to co-regulate with loved ones, even if they may get it, they may not. But sometimes their healthy nervous system can actually, if they are a supportive person and you have a good relationship with them, be very healing for you.

I have three kids and a husband, and my kids weren't understanding the healing process I was going through. But being around them was, I think, a co-regulating thing. I couldn't do that for a while, but then when I was able to fully be with them every day, I leaned into that as part of my healing package.

So whether you're on your own at home or you have people around you, there's a way to package your life, and to find little ways to connect that do help in your healing. So those are just some ideas. Healing buddies, connecting with family members, or supportive people, and it could be different safe relationships of people you know from work.

It just depends. It's case by case, and I had to do that process of, "Is this person actually someone I can be with during this or not?" And if they're not, that's okay. It's okay to have a pause button on some things in your life and just be like, "I'm just not able to get together as much as I could before right now, because of my healing process. But I'd love to connect again when I'm able."

So it's not easy to go through this, but you can get there.

Tears and Hope Stories

Let me see what other ideas I have for you. A good cry. Actually, you guys might be like, "I'm crying all the time. It's not... You know, it means that I am the worst and I must be getting worse." No, your tears are helping you. If you're crying, that's not a sign that you're not healing. That's actually a sign that you are healing, because tears are healing. We excrete our extra emotion literally right out of our eyes.

Like, tears of joy is an actual thing. They've done studies on tears, and if the person had joy, there's a different chemistry in the actual tear. Angry tears have cortisol in them, and joyful tears have dopamine in them. So if you're crying, your body is getting rid of that negative emotion. You might feel just a little bit calmer right after you cry. So a good cry can be a helpful tool in your healing.

I also recommend stories of hope. Hearing other people's stories of their healing can really help you conceptualize hope, because it's very hard in this darkness to have any kind of a concept of hope, and a future, and a life different than this.

So hearing other people's stories of how dark it was for them and then how it all changed, and actually they've come out of it and they're normal now, that can help build your concept of hope, just hearing those stories. So I definitely encourage listening to healing stories if you can.

You could look at Angie Peacock's YouTube channel. She interviews a lot of people who've gone through healing. There's different ways to find success stories, and I'm gonna be working on finding more success story resources for you all.

Now, sometimes if you're in a really bad wave and you're like, "I can't even listen to success stories because I just latch onto every little difference," I get it. But it's a tool there for you for when it does work. And maybe it's just that one story that's similar to yours. I had this one success story I would read so much, and I had it in my purse. It was crumpled, and I would take it out and read it again and again. And it was because it was similar enough to mine, my brain wouldn't go, "Oh look, oh look, see, this is how you're not gonna heal." So I held onto that as like, "Okay, she was similar enough to me. I can heal."

So yeah, it might be like a lot of them aren't sticking, but hold onto the ones that you can. And as you heal, you're gonna be like, "Oh, oh yeah, I'm more normal than I thought. I'm not the extreme exception that I thought. I'm actually pretty normal and just was going through a hard healing process."

Distraction, Prayer, and Kindness

Distraction is another thing to try, even if it's that dual attention thing where you're like, "I'm kind of thinking this horrible intrusive thought right now while I'm also learning how to make a paper flower." Distraction can be like strengthening a muscle of giving yourself permission to think about something else. You might not be able to a whole lot, but just gently see when you can distract yourself and focus on something else.

Another one for me was prayer during a wave, because I would just agonize and agonize. It's like a dog with a bone. I would agonize with these looping thoughts, horrible looping thoughts that I could not resolve. I couldn't see a way out. And so I found that prayer was so helpful for that, because that was something I could do about what I was agonizing over. So I learned to pray during this, and just to pray to God what I was afraid about, and to pray to Him what I was hoping for, and just to keep praying.

And you know what? God hears your prayers. And I know in withdrawal you really feel like He doesn't hear your prayers, but God hears your prayers. He really does. And I know this is a painful process, and you may feel so cut off from any good news or any hope or anything that would be good from God. But God loves you, and He cares, and He hears those prayers, and He is not dismissing them. So don't give up. Do not give up praying and asking God for your healing and asking God for whatever it is that is on your heart, and turning to Him. That's my encouragement, that you can always pray whatever you are going through, whatever agony in your symptoms, that none of it is beyond what He knows.

And then another thing I did find could help me was random acts of kindness, because for a while I was so unreliable I couldn't plan very far in advance that I would be able to show up or do things with people or whatever. But I would have these random times where I was able to think clearly or able to do something a little bit.

So I kind of did a little bit more of random acts of kindness rather than working or volunteering, because that involved commitment, and I just wasn't healthy enough. So that's another thing you could try, the random acts of kindness. Maybe there's an elderly shut-in, and you're actually feeling up to it. You could make them some muffins and just bring them over and check in on them.

But it was amazing how the times I was able to do stuff like that, the gratitude I would see in other people opened my eyes up. It would give me a little bit of this sense of connection that feels so cut off from all humans going through this. But it made me realize that there's other people who are also suffering. And just seeing that gratitude helped wake me up a little bit, and made me feel more alive, and did something very human for me, made me feel more human.

So that's another idea of something you can do just as you're able, little random acts of kindness. Might be a little note for someone. Might be you text someone just letting them know you're thinking of them.

This Will Pass

So those are my long ramble of ideas of things you can try if you're in a deep wave. But I just also want to encourage you that this is not gonna last. This has an expiration date.

Every minute that you come through this is another minute closer to this whole process being in the past. Every hour that you come through this, every day that you come through this, is another day closer to being out of this withdrawal and on with the rest of your life. And so I could not have imagined when I was going through this the good that was ahead for me, and it's like that for you, too.

Right now you may feel like your life is turning out into the worst possible direction, and this version of you is the worst possible version of you, you ever could have imagined. And you cannot see this turning a corner to be anything but a terrible catastrophe. But I'm telling you that those thoughts are so much the symptoms of withdrawal, and that you are in that healing, transforming process, and that you're gonna come out of this, and this is gonna be something that you went through in the past.

And that also can really transform your perspective. I have had so many things happen after this withdrawal that I could not have imagined in that withdrawal. So many joys, and experiences, and just my baseline being so different, and my perspective. And then coming through something like that, it just feels like life is such a gift. To be able to actually have life, and not that huge amount of horror and suffering just hovering over you.

So I just want to encourage you that good things are ahead for you. So hang in there, and I'm cheering for you, and your healing is on the way.

❤️‍🩹 Joanna