Losing your confidence during psychiatric drug withdrawal is very, very common. My encouragement to you is that it is not the long term. It is not here to stay.
There are a lot of different reasons why confidence can drop so badly going through this. Let me go through some of them.
I offer support groups and 1:1 coaching for those going through withdrawal. If you’d like someone to walk with you through this season, I would love to meet with you. My withdrawal was brutal. I know how dark it can get. I also know how real healing is. I’m now in a place of joy, health, and full life, and I want to support you on your way there.
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When You Can't Recognize Yourself
There are just so many symptoms, and you almost feel like you can't recognize yourself when you're so symptomatic. You might be having cognitive issues and may not be able to work the way you used to, focus the way you used to, or make decisions the way you used to.
You might be dealing with brain fog, or anhedonia, where everything feels so flat and nothing feels rewarding or like there's any reason to do it. All of those symptoms can bring you to this sense of disconnect from your normal self.
For me, I couldn't remember the things I learned in my master's program. I had already started my job when I was going through withdrawal, and I ended up not being able to work for a while. That can really knock your confidence. I was just like, "I can't remember what I learned. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to do that career. It might just be done, donezo." I really lost my confidence in my own thoughts.
When Socializing Feels Mechanical
You might also not have your same sense of humor, or your perspective or your logic, because you're dealing with so many looping thoughts. It's making you more isolated because you used to be able to go out and connect with people, and now you're having so many symptoms you're having a hard time getting out and doing normal things.
That can feel like it's knocking your confidence because you're like, "I don't even know how to socialize normally anymore." Or you're trying to, but you're way in your head with so many symptoms. You're asking yourself, "Am I being socially appropriate while I'm having all these symptoms? What do people do to be socially appropriate? Maybe I'm supposed to tilt my head and nod, answer something that makes sense to the question." It just feels so mechanical, because you're having to coach yourself and remember all those things that used to just come naturally.
All of those factors, all of those symptoms, can make us feel separated from ourselves and our abilities and from other people, and make us really doubt ourselves. You might feel like you don't recognize yourself. Your hobbies seem irrelevant. It can just feel like you have completely lost yourself.
The Alien Feeling Is Not Your Trajectory
That alien feeling is scary. I want you to know: that is not your trajectory. That is a terrible byproduct of going through psychiatric drug withdrawal. The self-alienation, the alienation from others, my encouragement to you is that it is not here to stay.
It is a withdrawal symptom that comes in, but it also goes. As you rebuild and heal and restore, over time you're going to be like, "Oh, it's like Christmas." You're going to be like, "Oh my gosh, that's right, I do love skiing," or "I love guitar. Oh my goodness." When you get things back, it's so exciting, and your confidence comes back with it.
Like Losing Your Voice
It's sort of like someone who loses their voice for a while and it's like, "Oh my gosh, I can't sing, I can't talk." And then when it comes back, it just comes back, and they can sing and they can talk. You lose it, but then it comes back.
Windows, Waves, and the Signs You're Healing
As you may get windows, you get glimpses of this where you're like, "Oh my gosh, I was acting normal and feeling normal for like an hour." Or in longer stretches as you heal, "My gosh, I went out and did normal stuff. I had normal conversations. I even thought normal things, had ideas about exciting things to do or things I wanted to plan." Those are really good signs. If you get moments like that, those are pictures of what's to come.
And if you don't get windows, that's okay too, because you're still healing. Some people go through that window-wave pattern. Some people just stay in a wave and then it lifts. But the truth is, as you heal and those things come back, your confidence is going to come back too.
You Are Still in There
You aren't gone. You're still in there. You've just got a lot of symptoms heaped on top of you and you've got suffering that is becoming so dominant. But it will resolve in time, and your confidence is going to come back as you see yourself coming back to normal.
This is not going to obliterate the real true you. It may feel like that. It may feel like a complete annihilation of your real true self. But you are still there. And it's going to be very good when you emerge, healed and feeling more yourself, and rediscover who you are and reconnect.
Your confidence will be restored, and you're not the only one. There are so many people going through this, and so many who have gone through this and healed. Hold onto those stories of hope and of healing, because you are on your way to that too.
❤️🩹 Joanna