Feeling Worthless Or Useless?

Feelings of worthlessness and uselessness are very common in depression and anxiety. During acute withdrawal, though, depression and anxiety can be so enormous, sometimes even greater than anything you experienced when you first decided to get on medication. Withdrawal takes feelings of worthlessness and makes them feel so much more enormous than even regular depression. It can also get you into a tailspin with anxiety, and that can show up as looping thoughts, very intense self-hating thoughts, self-loathing thoughts.

But all of that is part of the withdrawal. It isn't you, and it doesn't actually reflect reality, or who you are, or your self-worth.

If You’d Like Support in Groups or One-on-One…

I offer support groups and 1:1 coaching for those going through withdrawal. If you’d like someone to walk with you through this season, I would love to meet with you. My withdrawal was brutal. I know how dark it can get. I also know how real healing is. I’m now in a place of joy, health, and full life, and I want to support you on your way there.

👉 Go here to see my calendar and register

Zoom Out from Your Own Perspective

In withdrawal, our perspective is so distorted that we almost have to zoom out from it. You have to borrow the perspective of others, and it might not feel very believable, but it can really help. If you have loved ones who have a healthier perspective of you, or other people who've been through withdrawal, or healing buddies, any of those reference points can be helpful, even if they're not believable right now.

As a fact: your withdrawal brain will lie to you, will confuse you, and will tell you terrible things about yourself. Hearing other voices of truth while you're going through that can really help.

Your Worth Is Not Your Productivity

In Western society, we value productivity so much that we can base our worth on how productive we are. But the truth is, we are valuable whether we are doing something productive or not. Our worth isn't based on that.

You are valuable and your life is precious, and it's not based on your performance at work, or your abilities and talents, or any awards you've gotten, or how much you've gotten done in a day, or how clean your house is, or how much money is in the bank. Your worth is not based on any of that, because you are a human being and you have intrinsic worth. You are valuable and important.

Taking care of ourselves can be a way of relearning that self-worth, that we aren't valuable based on what we do but simply because we are human. That is it. You are a human being and you are valuable and precious and people love you and care about you.

Your withdrawal brain may tell you: "You're not working the way you used to, so you're kind of useless," or "You can't keep your house as clean as you used to, so you're kind of a disappointment and worthless," or "You can't remember how to do your job the way you used to, so yeah, you're kind of worthless."

Those are lies. Complete lies.

The Cognitive Symptoms Are Real, and They Are Scary

I have to say, the forgetfulness, the cognitive issues, the decrease in productivity, it is really hard to deal with all of that and be like, "Who am I? I don't even know how to function. I feel like I am an infant all of a sudden." It's really scary. It's very hard to go from functioning to non-functioning, from thinking clearly to debilitated and tailspinning.

But that is a function of the withdrawal. That is not you. That is not who you are. All of those things aren't lost forever. As you heal, you will be able to think clearly. You will be able to be more productive. You will be able to remember your personality, and your sense of humor, and your interests and hobbies, and your skills and gifts that you use for work.

All of that heals in time, and it is not all lost. Take heart about that, because your withdrawal mind is going to catastrophize this as a permanent state, as though you are like this forever. That is just not true. This is an injury, and your brain has to heal, and your nervous system has to heal, but this is not permanent. This is not a new baseline.

Even though you can't do as much right now, you are still valuable. You are precious. You are important. Your life is valuable. Your personality, who you are, all of that remains, whether you're going through a time of being greatly productive or greatly restful.

Be Gentle With Yourself

It is kind of like your nervous system goes back to a very childlike nervous system for a while because of the injury. Maybe loud noises feel like too much. Maybe the wind feels like too much. Maybe driving feels terrifying. The grocery store lights feel completely obliterating and overwhelming. Whatever it is for you, because it does vary.

Some people just cannot work. I could not work for a while. I couldn't remember anything I had learned for my job. It seemed like it was just gone, and I thought, "I guess I wasted all of that effort in my life on that career, because it's just gone."

But it wasn't gone. It was on a pause button.

The way you treat yourself through this matters. Try to learn how to talk to yourself in a kind way, because your withdrawal brain is not going to be kind to you. I encourage you to learn how to be kind to yourself, because you are healing. Just like you wouldn't scream at a small child for not being able to reach a cup of water, we have to be gentle on ourselves too, because our functioning has gotten reduced and we need that extra support, that extra love, and that extra time.

The House Remodel

I also like to compare this to a house getting rehabbed. Let's say a house is really run down, not functioning well, the walls are old and outdated, the kitchen needs work. The builders will gut the building and rebuild it. It is very unpleasant to live in a house that is getting gutted and rebuilt. There's dust flying, it's messy, and suddenly this bathroom's not working because it's getting rebuilt, or the kitchen, we can't even make spaghetti anymore because it's getting reconstructed and all we have is a hot pad to cook on in the living room.

It feels insane. It is very unpleasant to live in a house while it's getting that reconstruction.

But when it's done, it's beautiful. That kitchen is gorgeous. That bathroom is so nice and that new tub is so good.

You are getting a remodel and a reconstruction right now. And right now it is very unpleasant to live in your brain, but it is going to be beautiful. The loud noises and the banging and the hammering and the cranking and the digging, all the hubbub of the reconstruction, it is going to settle down. All of those symptoms and all of that reactivity and intensity will settle down and will be calm and clear, and you will be able to live normal and feel normal again.