When Withdrawal Makes the World Feel Unreal

If you've felt like you aren't real, or like your surroundings aren't real, while going through psychiatric drug withdrawal, you are not the only one. That is a very common symptom of going through this, and it's often called Depersonalization and Derealization (or DPDR for short).

I experienced depersonalization and derealization in withdrawal, and it was just so unpleasant. I felt very creeped out, I guess would be the best way to describe it.

What Depersonalization and Derealization Mean

Derealization is a feeling of unreality about your surroundings. They just don't feel real to you. Depersonalization is where you feel detached from your own thoughts and feelings, almost like you're out of body, or floating above your body, or just somehow disconnected from your own self.

You may experience one or both of those.

When These Symptoms Show Up

It can be a side effect of medication itself, but it can also be a symptom of coming off your medication. So you might be tapering and have that symptom after you've done a dose drop. Or if you've come all the way off, you may have it as a symptom while going through a withdrawal experience.

Why the Brain Does This

I think it's our brain's way of protecting us, because our brains get kind of overwhelmed by sensation when we're going through the healing process. Everything around us we experience bodily. A fly buzzing by you, the texture of the ground, the color of the sky, a smell. All of these sensory things are actually a lot to process, and then there's everything else on top of that.

Normally our brains can process all those things and be like, "Yeah, that's what's going on. This is the temperature, this is the color of the sky," and not be overwhelmed. But if you're going through a brain healing process, your brain might say, "Whoa, that's too much. I can only process one thing right now. We're just gonna check out a little bit right here."

So it's like a protective measure our brains go to when they're overwhelmed. That's my theory.

You Won't Be Haunted by This Forever

Sometimes we get afraid: "Oh my gosh, am I going to have some haunting horror memory of this forever because I keep having depersonalization and derealization?"

And really, so many people I've talked to after they're done with their withdrawals don't feel like they have these haunting horror memories of it. It's like it's just kind of done. That's my encouragement to you: do not be afraid you're going to be haunted by this forever. So many people I talk to have healed. It's like when it's done, it's done.

I really do think it's a brain process similar to a brain injury, the brain figuring out how to process stimuli again. It's overwhelmed at first, naturally, because of that change in brain chemistry that comes with getting off something it was dependent on for homeostasis.

So the waves and windows pattern of symptoms coming and going is just the natural healing process for the brain. That symptom is just the brain saying, "Okay, I'm overwhelmed. I'm taking a little break from all the sensory overload and all the information to process."

Nothing Bad Is Happening

You might feel scared when you have that. It can be really scary to think, "I feel unreal. What is actually happening?" But all that's happening is your brain is healing, and there is not something really bad happening to you.

Your brain might even be telling you something bad is happening, like that impending feeling of doom or fear. But nothing bad is happening. These symptoms cannot harm you. They are uncomfortable. They do not feel pleasant. They hurt. They can be very painful. But the symptoms themselves are not harming you. They are part of the healing process.

Symptoms Are Healing Signals

Think of those symptoms as just your body ramping up its healing efforts. Just like when someone gets sick with the flu and gets a fever, the fever is the body's response to the bacteria or virus that's been introduced. That's the body's way of getting it out. Even though the fever feels horrible and the symptoms feel horrible, they are our body's way of fighting back to homeostasis and getting rid of that virus.

The symptoms are actually signs that your body is finding a way to heal, finding a way to stabilize, finding homeostasis.

Your Nervous System Will Steady

You might be swinging back and forth and back and forth with crazy symptoms, but eventually that's just gonna calm right down, and your nervous system is going to be steady. You're going to be in the moment, able to process what's in the moment. You'll be able to pay attention to what's important and ignore what's trivial. You will heal from this.

Your attention, your focus, your heart rate, digestion, body temperature, your processing... you're going to recover from this, and you are going to feel differently than you do right now while you're going through it.

Hold On

Even if you're experiencing scary symptoms like depersonalization and derealization, just know that this is par for the course. You are just going through your healing process, and your body is just checking off every one of those symptoms, working it out. Think of it as just running its course. Your body's just running its course through that symptom, and then it's got that done, and on to the next thing.

Eventually symptoms drop away, and your body figures out how to regulate, and eventually you're healed. And you're like, "Am I done? Maybe I'm done." And then it's just going to be done.

So hold on through the symptoms. Just know this isn't here to stay. You will be able to focus, and process, and feel normal, and have normal conversations, and have a productive day, and think clearly, and not be feeling unreal and dissociated, having to mechanically function through things.

It will flow again.

❤️‍🩹

Joanna