How to Find Your People in Withdrawal

When you are going through psychiatric drug withdrawal, finding your people can feel almost impossible. If you are going through it, I am so sorry. It is so hard and painful. I went through it myself, and it took me years to recover, but I've recovered, and I'm doing well.

I want to share with you how to find your people in your personal life, and how to find your support through this healing process. This is what I've learned through my own experience and through working with other people who are going through their healing.

The Circles of Our Social Lives

The first thing I want to do is get a picture of what our social lives are usually like. Typically, we have circles. There are circles of degree by which we are close to people.

You have your very inner circle, which would be your closest loved ones. That could be a partner, a best friend, a sibling you're really close to, or a parent you're really close to. This is the person you call easily, and they know a lot of what's going on in your life.

Then you have the next layer, which is people who know you really well, but they're not necessarily the person you're updating daily or weekly. They know you really well, and they love you. And then the circles go out from there to a larger community of people. Acquaintances would be out in that wider circle.

Why Withdrawal Can Feel So Isolating

What's really hard is that when you're going through this, not only are you going through extreme symptoms that are so alarming, but your social circle also feels completely different, because most people do not have a knowledge of, words for, an understanding of, or ways to support someone going through psychiatric drug withdrawal.

So a lot of times, people going through this find themselves missing all of these circles that are their support system, their network. It feels like it completely empties out and hollows out, because they can't tell people, or because those people aren't understanding. So not only are you suffering, but you experience a kind of social isolation from your network of people.

This is so hard, and I feel for you so much. It's so disorienting and confusing, and it can be really tricky to figure out how to navigate through that, how to cope, and how to find your support. So I'm going to share with you some of the things I did, that I coach people through, and that I've seen others do that have helped them find that support, survive that loss of connection, and come through it to the other side.

I'm going to give you some strategies and some tools you can use. Of course, this is a learning process. There isn't a silver bullet. But I'm going to give you all the goods I've got to help you find support for getting through this. And there is so much hope, because I have seen so much good happen socially for people, even through this process.

Vulnerability as a Test

This is what I would encourage you to do: think of vulnerability as part of good relationship. I know it is very scary to share honestly with people what is going on, especially if you've gotten bad responses before. I know there's a lot of fear around vulnerability, but vulnerability is also the pathway to the best kinds of real relationships. So you can think of it as a kind of stress test: is this a relationship that's going to grow?

What I advise people to do, and what I have seen work for people, is to actually be honest about what's going on. I know that's hard, and sometimes you don't get a good response. But think of that as the stress test.

How to Reach Out to the People in Your Life

Think through the people you know and love and who know you. Go through it systematically. Go through your contacts list, your friend groups, the people you've known in your network or your family, whatever your connections have been. Think through each person and ask, "Can I tell this person what's going on?"

I would encourage you to try it. It's like a stress test. If it doesn't go well, you don't have to do it again. It can just be, "Okay, well, now they know kind of where I'm at," and that's that. You don't have to keep it going and tell them more.

You can send a text or call each one of those people in your life, let them know what's going on, and hear what's going on for them. Share with them something like, "Hey, I'm going through this really hard healing process right now. It's pretty tough, but people usually do heal in time. It just takes a long time, and it's been really stressful." Give them a rough sketch, give them that update of what's going on with you, and hear their life update too.

Then, based on how they respond, you can know, "All right, is this someone I can share more with?" What I found when I gave those updates to people, and what I've seen with the people I coach and my healing buddies, is that you will see if they are someone who is able to be supportive of you. You'll know.

If you go through that process, you'll probably find a couple of people in there who are going to want to support you through this and want to be there for you. And you might be surprised at who. Maybe it's someone you haven't been as close with before, but they just want to be there for you, and they're able to. Some amazing relationships can actually come out of really hard times, so I encourage you to lean into that.

Signs Someone Can Support You Through Withdrawal

Some of the markers to look for: usually it's someone who has suffered before, so there's a gentleness and a humility to their presence. Usually it's someone who is emotionally safe. They're not reactive or critical, and they have availability. If they have those qualities, they can be a very healing person for you, and they can help you come through something that's really hard.

I know it's scary to be honest with people, but it takes courage. I have gained so much more than I've lost by being honest. It's the same with the people I've worked with. They have gained so much more than they've lost by being honest.

Now, if someone responds to you in a hurtful way, or a dismissive way, or in a way that just feels like they didn't get it or weren't able to respond helpfully, you'll sense it. Then you'll know, okay, that's not someone I need to share with in depth about this.

And what do you have to lose? That's the point I see people come to. What do we have to lose? Our pride, or our image, or something like that? Really, those things can be worth losing in order to find a couple of really loving people and good friends who can support you through this.

So that's my first go-to: see who in your life can walk with you through this, who can support you through this, who has the capacity for that.

Helping Your Loved Ones Understand

If you want to resource your people so they can understand what's going on with you, I have videos for them. One is for helping you through any kind of acute symptoms, and another is for understanding overall what's going on for you while you go through this healing. You can always send those to your loved ones so they have that resourcing, because sometimes just some education and learning about what's going on can help someone be more helpful.

Finding Support in the Withdrawal Community

The next way to find your people is through the withdrawal healing community, and I would not discount this either. Some people are nervous about getting support through the withdrawal healing community because they don't want to be triggered, and that is completely understandable. But I would encourage you to give it a try. You might be surprised at the support you find.

Support groups can be wonderful for finding healing buddies. They can be great for just showing up and being emotionally supported in this healing, because people can come around you and understand what you're going through, since they are also going through it. That can be such a source of healing and hope and encouragement.

From there, you may also be able to connect with people outside the group who can become healing buddies for you. These are people you can call or text or meet with who understand the pain of this journey and can affirm what you're going through, but who can also encourage you.

How to Be a Good Healing Buddy

I will add that it is important both to be supportive of your withdrawal buddy and to receive support, to let it be a back-and-forth encouragement of each other. Sometimes that means you let each other know if you can't talk because you're in a really bad wave and aren't able to connect at the moment. There are ways of supporting each other even though you're both vulnerable.

It might be that you text each other, "Hey, is now a good time? I'm having a bad wave. Could you encourage me?" And they say, "Yes, I actually can right now," and they encourage you. And vice versa, you do that for each other. Sometimes it's good to check in and ask, "Are you able to encourage me right now?" because if both of you are in a wave, or both in a really bad moment, you might need to talk to other people.

Basically, a great rule of thumb for those relationships is to keep them as mutual as you can, especially if you're in a similar place in your healing journey.

Another way that can work well is to connect with a healing buddy who's further along in the healing process. They're able to encourage you, and your symptoms are not triggering for them since they're further along. They have more experience and more hope from their healing journey, and they can encourage you.

Then you yourself will be able to turn and do that for somebody else as you heal. It's like a train of paying forward that encouragement and hope to somebody else.

Beautiful Friendships From a Hard Season

That's another way of filling in your circle with support through your healing journey, because we are social creatures, and part of our healing is connecting with others. That's why it can be so hard through this. We can feel so alienated in our community, and loved ones may not be able to understand what's going on or how to support us through it. So finding those people who can be more understanding and support you through it, who are willing to be educated and learn how to support you, can be such a game changer. Connecting with other people in the withdrawal healing community who can be a positive source of support is another way.

Those are my go-to ways of finding support, and it really can be life-changing. I have had some of the most beautiful relationships come out of this horrible, ugly, suffering withdrawal experience. Some were friends I already knew, and some came through the withdrawal community. Elissa, my co-coach, and I became healing buddies to each other, and that was such a gift through this.

So I just want to encourage you: even though you may feel really isolated right now, you can find that support. There are other people who are coming through this and healing as well. And on the other side, you will be able to connect more naturally with the people in your daily life, in those circles of your social life. You will be able to connect more normally again and enter into life more fully and more joyfully as you heal.

I am cheering you on.

❤️‍🩹 Joanna